Shawn Achor: The happy secret to better work

This is an amusing Ted talk about positive psychology, a focus on resilience and strength. Dr. Shawn Achor shares insights into how we can become more positive and in turn become more productive and creative. There are simple steps you can take to reprogram your mind into a more positive frame of being and acting.

From Ted website: We believe that we should work to be happy, but could that be backwards? In this fast-moving and entertaining talk, psychologist Shawn Achor argues that actually happiness inspires productivity. (Filmed at TEDxBloomington.)

View on Ted.com

For parents, happiness is a very high bar

Why is parenting so difficult? What does it even mean to be a parent? This Ted talk frames these questions and puts present day parenting into context.

Link to Ted Talk

Friends Wanted

The new year seems to trigger discussions about connections, loneliness and friendships. Perhaps a time for reflection or a reaction to all the expectations of gathering with others around the holidays. This article explores and explains the importance of social connections to our emotional and physical health. New research by psychologists uncovers the health risks of loneliness and the benefits of strong social connections.

By Anna Miller

Monitor Staff

January 2014, Vol 45, No. 1

Print version: page 54

It took a trip to the hospital for Cathryn Jakobson Ramin, 56, to confront a nagging concern she'd had for years: She had no friends. "I didn't have one person who could pick me up," says the journalist in Mill Valley, Calif., who went to the hospital for a small medical procedure.

Ramin does have many friends — those she first met in childhood and in the four cities she's lived in as an adult — but they don't live nearby anymore. She also has a strong marriage, two grown sons and a successful career. But she has few local friends she can call on in a time of need — or for simple companionship.

"I like the sense of sitting in someone's kitchen with a cup of tea and cookies and just shooting the [breeze]," she says, admitting she feels a void. "That to me is a very important part of life."

Psychologists agree. While research on relationships has skirted adult friendships — tending to focus on adolescent friendships and adult romances — the importance of strong social connections throughout life is gaining scientific clout, having been linked with such benefits as a greater pain tolerance, a stronger immune system, and a lower risk of depression and early death.

"For years and years … people speculated that if you felt alone or you lived alone or you were alone a lot, you wouldn't eat good meals, you wouldn't exercise as much, nobody would take you to the doctor," says Laura Carstensen, PhD, who directs Stanford University's Center on Longevity. "But I think what we're learning is that emotions cause physiological processes to activate that are directly bad for your health."

Yet forging platonic relationships isn't always easy. Ramin's situation appears to be increasingly common: According to a meta-analysis with more than 177,000 participants, people's personal and friendship networks have shrunk over the last 35 years (Psychological Bulletin, 2013).

Combine that trend with the United States's rising age of first marriage, a divorce rate nearing 50 percent and a life expectancy that's at an all-time high, and you get "a demographic shift such that there are now [more] people who don't have a marital partner to supply the intimacy they need," says Beverley Fehr, PhD, a social psychologist at the University of Winnipeg and author of the 1996 book "Friendship Processes." "In light of those shifts, I think that friendships are more important today than ever before."

I'm so lonesome I could die

A lack of friends isn't simply an inconvenience when you want a movie partner or a ride to the hospital. A sparse social circle is a significant health risk, research suggests. In one meta-analysis of 148 studies comprising more than 308,000 people, for example, Brigham Young University psychologists found that participants with stronger social relationships were 50 percent more likely to survive over the studies' given periods than those with weaker connections — a risk comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and one double that of obesity. And the risks of poor relationships are likely greater, the researchers say, since the studies didn't look at the quality of participants' social connections (PLOS Medicine, 2010).

There's some evidence that more really is merrier. In one recent study tracking 6,500 British men and women ages 52 and older, psychologist Andrew Steptoe, PhD, of the University College London and colleagues found that both feeling lonely and being socially isolated raised the risk of death. However, only social isolation — measured in terms of frequency of contact with family and friends, and participation in organizations outside of work — appeared to be related to increased mortality when the researchers adjusted for demographic factors and baseline health (PNAS, 2013).

But contrary to Steptoe's findings, most research indicates that feeling isolated is more dangerous than being isolated, says psychologist John Cacioppo, PhD, co-author of the 2008 book "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection." In one 2012 study, he and colleagues looked at data from more than 2,100 adults ages 50 and older and found that feelings of loneliness were associated with increased mortality over a six-year period. The finding was unrelated to marital status and number of relatives and friends nearby, as well as to health behaviors such as smoking and exercise (Social Science and Medicine, 2012).

"It's not being alone or not" that affects your health, Cacioppo says. "You can feel terribly isolated when you're around other people."

In his ongoing Chicago Health Aging and Social Relations Study, funded by the National Institute on Aging, Cacioppo and colleagues have also linked loneliness with depressive symptoms and an increase in blood pressure over time.

Other research indicates positive social connections might accelerate disease recovery. In a study of 200 breast cancer survivors, psychologist Lisa Jaremka, PhD, and colleagues at the Ohio State University found that lonelier women experienced more pain, depression and fatigue than those who had stronger connections to friends and family. The more disconnected women also had elevated levels of a particular antibody associated with the herpes virus — a sign of a weakened immune system (Psychoneuroendocrinology, 2013).

Particular genes may play a role in explaining why our bodies are so attuned to our social lives, says psychologist Steve Cole, PhD, at the University of California, Los Angeles. In one study, he and colleagues including Cacioppo analyzed the gene expression profiles of chronically lonely people and found that genes expressed within two subtypes of white blood cells are uniquely responsive to feelings of loneliness. The cells — plasmacytoid dendritic cells and monocytes — are associated with diseases such as atherosclerosis and cancer, as well as "first line of defense" immune responses (PNAS, 2011).

Cole says the most "biologically toxic" aspect of loneliness is that it can make you feel chronically threatened, an emotion that can wear on the immune system. "It's really that sense of unsafe threat, that vague worry, that's probably what's actually kicking off the fight-or-flight stress responses that affect the immune system most directly," he says.

Friends in adulthood

As researchers work to better understand the link between friendships and health, they're also helping to answer a question familiar to anyone who's ever moved to a new city, lost a spouse or otherwise found themselves feeling alone: How do you make friends as an adult? Here's what the research suggests might work:

• Be a familiar face. The idea that familiarity breeds attraction is long-established by research, and was again supported in a 2011 study led by psychologist Harry Reis, PhD, at the University of Rochester. In the first experiment, same-sex strangers rated how much they liked one another after having several structured conversations. In the other, strangers chatted freely online. In both cases, the amount participants liked their partners increased with each exchange (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2011).

Rachel Bertsche, a writer in Chicago, witnessed this phenomenon outside of the lab when she joined a weekly comedy class a few years ago. At first, she thought her classmates were strange. But she gradually changed her mind — and soon wound up joining the group for drinks after class. "Consistency is so important," she says.

Fehr agrees. She says sticking to a simple routine — whether it's going to the same coffee shop at the same time every day, joining a class like Bertsche or even just going to the office mailroom when it's most crowded — can help turn strangers into friends.

• Divulge a secret. There are ways to make fast friends, too, psychologists say. Research by Stony Brook University professor Arthur Aron, PhD, showed that gradually increasing the depth of questions and answers between strangers can spawn friendships in just 45 minutes (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1997). Fehr and her team are building on this model by directing a couple of college buddies first to ask each other neutral questions, such as, "When did you last go to the zoo?" and slowly build up to more intimate questions such as, "If you knew someone close to you was going to die tomorrow, what would you tell them today — and why haven't you told them yet?"

So far, she's seeing men's friendships getting stronger. "When they do open up to each other, they feel closer to each other and they feel more satisfaction with the relationship," she says.

• Realize it's in your head. Loneliness is a subjective experience that can often be a self-fulfilling prophecy, says Cacioppo. "When people feel isolated, the brain goes into self-preservation mode," he says, meaning that they become preoccupied with their own — not others' — welfare. While the response is an innate one meant to protect us from threats, over time, it harms physical and mental health and well-being, and makes us more likely to see everything in a negative light. It can also make us seem cold, unfriendly and socially awkward. But recognizing what's in your head can help you get out of it, Cacioppo says.

In a review of interventions to reduce loneliness, he and colleagues found that those that encouraged participants to challenge their own negative thought processes — for example, by sharing a positive part of their day with someone else — were more effective than interventions seeking to improve social skills, enhance social support or increase opportunities for social contact. "It has a surprising effect," Cacioppo says. (Personality and Social Psychology Review, 2010).

• Log on, with caution. Liz Scherer, a copywriter in Silver Spring, Md., used social media to forge friendships when she moved from New York City to Annapolis, Md., about 10 years ago at age 42. Through Twitter, she connected online with others in her business and met many of them in person at social media conferences. "I've made some really good friends who I talk to … every single day," she says. "They're good social supports and business supports."

Research suggests Scherer's positive experience with social media is most common among people who are already well connected. A review of four studies by psychologist Kennon Sheldon, PhD, of the University of Missouri, and colleagues, for example, found that more time on Facebook was linked to both high and low levels of connectedness. Psychologists posit this may be the case because Facebook supports relationships among those who are already highly socially connected, but might make those who are isolated feel even more so (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2011).

"If you rely on virtual relationships entirely, that's probably bad for you," Carstensen says. "But when you're using email and face time to supplement real relationships, that's a good thing."

• Don't force it. If the pressure to forge new relationships is more external than internal, put away the "friend wanted" ad and focus on what and who does make you happy, says Carstensen. "If people are not very socially active and they aren't necessarily interested in expanding their social networks, and they seem OK emotionally, then you shouldn't feel alarmed," she says.

After all, being highly connected has its downsides, too, says University of Sheffield psychologist Peter Totterdell, PhD, who studies social networks in organizations. He's found that people with large work-based networks tend to be more anxious than those with fewer connections. "Possibly what's going on there is that you get more possibilities, more resources, but at the same time you've got more responsibility as well," he says.

And trying to change who you are can backfire, since people's likelihood to forge connections seems to be relatively constant throughout life, Totterdell says. "People may have a natural inclination, and to try to change that [may] make them uncomfortable with the results," he says.

The bottom line? Whether you're content with two close friends or prefer to surround yourself with 20 loose acquaintances, what matters is that you feel a part of something greater than yourself, Carstensen says.

"We shouldn't judge people who say, ‘I'm not a party goer, I don't want to make friends, I don't want to hang out in the bars or the clubs' — that's fine," she says. "There's a whole bunch of people who feel the same way."

Link to article

Cold Feet and Projection in Committed Relationships

Do you sometimes fee like your partner is wrong for you? This article explores whether this is exactly why they are right for you. by Alicia Muñoz, LPC  

Recently, I met a friend for coffee.  He and his fiancée had spent the last six months preparing for their upcoming wedding day, designing the invitations and menus, selecting flowers and photographers, mapping out the most dynamic seating arrangements for their guests. My friend had finally met a woman who gave him the space he needed to pursue his interests and dreams, but who also kept him close emotionally. She was uncomplicated and smart, passionate and kind, and they shared some important interests, including cross-country skiing, Sudoku puzzles, and gourmet cuisine. When I asked him how things were going, it was clear from the expression on his face that something was worrying him.

“I’ve been depressed,” he whispered, glancing furtively around the room. “Before you got married, did you get cold feet?”

“What exactly do you mean by cold feet?” I asked.

“Well,” he said, leaning closer but still whispering. “Suddenly, I’m not interested in hugging or cuddling or sex. It’s just – how can I put it? – my fiancée is boring.”

“Really,” I said.

“Yes,” he said. “I’m not sure I’m in love with her.”

“Well, it sounds like you’re right on track.”

“On track?” he said. “I feel awful. She’s wonderful and affectionate. She takes care of me. And I’m having these horrible thoughts.”

As a couples therapist, I have a different perspective on what might be considered deal-breakers or crisis moments in relationships. My friend was struggling with what virtually every couple I’ve ever worked with has had to deal with at some point, and for most couples, at many points in their relationship. I myself have certainly had my fair share of hands-on experience of the same phenomenon in my own marriage. It’s not so much “cold feet,” although plenty of research now proves that with time there is indeed a “cooling off” of the initial chemical love-rush that according to neuroscientists bears an uncanny resemblance to the high of synthetic drugs, activating the same regions of the brain associated with reward and euphoria. I think it’s more helpful to view what my friend was experiencing as the flip side of a projective process that goes hand in hand with falling in love.

When we commit to someone romantically, we can see our beloved as possessing positive traits we admire and perhaps even think we lack: patience, warmth, sensuality, spirituality, depth, strength, superior intelligence, charisma, worldly know-how. We amplify and focus exclusively on our beloved’s positive traits. This allows us to feel more complete, and perhaps less inadequate, when we are with them. Unfortunately, this idealization of our beloved also boomerangs in the opposite direction. Maybe it happens before the wedding, or maybe on the second day of the honeymoon when your wife snaps at you for misplacing the room key. Or maybe you get a longer grace period until the twins are born. The bottom line is, one day, you wake up next to Mr. or Mrs. Not-So-Right. He or she is stingy, insensitive, selfish, complacent, domineering, critical, negative, sloppy, arrogant, passive, or – as my friend had concluded about his fiancée a few weeks before they were scheduled to marry – boring. Your beloved can even seem a bit like the “enemy,” a hybrid version of people who have hurt you in the past: a critical mother, an absent father, an abusive aunt, or a shaming brother.

Of course people really do sometimes have major flaws, such as when partners are abusive or engage in destructive or dangerous behaviors, and if these problems can’t be worked through in therapy or with the assistance of other professional helpers, it may be best for the relationship to end. However, often the flaws we see have more to do with our own reactivity than with our partner’s inherent incompatibility with us.

In most couples therapy modalities being used in counseling offices today, an important part of the process of learning to resolve conflicts and find common ground involves understanding your own reactivity. This includes exploring how your past impacted what you view as good and bad ways of being in the world. If we can recognize and understand our judgments, we can admit they exist.

Engaging in this process is half the battle – or better said, half the healing. It can help with the shame couples experience about their feelings, or the terror that comes from thinking “I’ve made a big mistake.” It also offers partners an opportunity to reclaim their lost, denied, or disowned parts – the positive and negative characteristics and traits they unconsciously gave up in order to find acceptance within their families of origin and communities. When we explore the intensity of our reactivity to our partners, we often discover that the visceral revulsion we feel emotionally toward certain things they say or do is rooted not in them or even in the present, but in our own private history.

In other words, it didn’t really matter whether or not my friend’s bride-to-be was boring. Maybe she was; maybe she wasn’t. Her being boring or not boring wasn’t the point. What mattered was what being boring signified to my friend. As Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” By understanding what lies at the root of our judgments, we can put our reactivity in perspective and create enough space to love again with greater awareness.

“Come to think of it, being boring was a cardinal sin in my family,” my friend told me with a laugh. “I grew up surrounded by brilliant people: academics, artists, writers, musicians. You could be arrogant or self-destructive, you could even be a criminal and still belong. But you could not be boring.”

This put his feelings about his fiancée in a new light.

Ultimately, marriage and other committed relationships offer us the opportunity to see, make peace with, and embrace our full humanity. Our partners act as catalysts, bringing to the surface parts of ourselves we still reject and project onto others – the parts psychoanalyst Carl Jung conceptualized as the Shadow. The more we are able to understand ourselves with all our shadow impulses, fears, and desires, the more peace we can create in our marriages and relationships. This, in turn, extends out into our work as teachers, politicians, writers, executives, government workers, therapists, artists, poets, men and women in the military, pastors, nurses, doctors, and laborers of all kinds. Carl Jung believed that if we learn to deal with our own shadow, we are essentially activists shouldering a part “…of the gigantic, unsolved social problems of our day.” By no means an easy task, or one that can be perfectly accomplished, it’s a worthy aspiration and an ongoing spiritual practice.

References:  Jung, Carl (1938). Psychology and Religion: West and East. The Collected Works of C. G. Jung, Volume 11. p.140

link to article

How to Use Social Jujitsu To Snag New Business

How do you grow your client base? I was recently quoted in an article on expanding your business with confidence.

By: ANN BROWN

Monday, January 7, 2013

• Business Advice

Some executive leaders are born with it; other develop it. “Social Jujitsu” is the charisma that draws people and potential clients to you like a magnet. In the martial arts world, at its base the Japanese martial art of Jiujitsu is a method of defeating an opponent without a weapon. "Ju" is usually translated as "gentle, supple, flexible, pliable." And "Jitsu" is translated to mean "art" or "technique." Some experts say you can use the philosophy of jujitsu in the business world as the way to woo and win over colleagues and new business. But as with any art form, you have to develop and master the techniques.

Become more of who you are

The worse thing is to pretend to be someone you aren´t. So don´t fake it. “You don't develop a winning personality. You have one. Don't try to be someone you're not. The trick is letting it out,” says Mike Schultz, president and founder of RAIN, who is also a second degree black belt in Seirenkai Jujitsu. Adds Shari Goldsmith of Shari- Life Coach for Women, “Be you; true-to-you-authenticity is attractive. People can spot dishonesty a mile away.” The basics matter

Don´t throw common courtesy out of the window. Be polite and engaging. “Smile, offer a firm but not death grip handshake and open body language. Light touch is an HR no-no, but it's connecting,” Schultz points out. Do your homework

All clients appreciate knowing you have taken the time to study their company and their needs. They will be more attracted to you and what you are offering. “Know that you are offering your client something they need. Be aware of how you perceive your product or services. You are not simply asking for something from them but potentially solving a problem they have. Inquire about what they want to improve in their lives or business and explain how you can help them,” says Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Clinical Assistant Professor at Dept. of Psychiatry, NYU School of Medicine and of the Williamsburg Therapy and Wellness.

Be all ears

Merely rattling off a sales pitch is an empty gesture. Listen to what is being said to you, what is being asked of you. “Listen more than you talk, but don't make it all listening,” says Schultz.

Apply the personal touch

You don´t need to tell a complete stranger or a potential client your life story, but sprinkle in personal bits into your conversation. “Don't be afraid to talk about personal things,” advises Schultz. “When you let your personality and personal life shine through, it can be very comforting to people who care about the same things. You have to find mutual areas of connection to build rapport.” Goldsmith agrees. “People want to do business with people that they like and trust. Focus on letting others see the real you and be consistently kind and honest,” she adds.

And, when you share, seek out information about your client. “Don't see people as just potential clients, see them as individuals you can get to know on a personal basis. Be friendly, look for potential connections and common interests.  This will help everyone feel more comfortable. For example, you both might have small children or enjoy the same sport,” stresses Dr. Garcia-Arcement. “Once you know your clients on a more personal level, this aids in breaking the ice at the next meeting. Inquire about their family, their favorite sport or recent trip. This will help everyone feel like they are doing business with a friend instead of a stranger.”

Throw out bias and discriminatory tendences

Never make assumptions. Not only is it a good rule in life but business as well. “Treat everyone the same, no matter what their station in life. You never know where your future business is going to come from. Don't judge,” says Goldsmith. Dare to be different

Being cookie cutter is boring. You want people to be excited about doing business with you, about having you around. “Be unique--know what makes you different and play it up,” says Goldsmith.

Do unto others..

The “me” generation has come and gone. When possible, help someone on a project. “Help others succeed. Focus on helping others succeed at their goals, and it will come back to you,” says Goldsmith. Confidence is dynamic

If you're timid about or unsure of yourself, your product/services, then how can you expect a customer to be eager to do business with you? “Feel confident in your product or service. Know why the product is worth selling. If you know the virtues of the product or services, it will show in your sales pitch,” advises Dr. Garcia-Arcement.

On call As a small business owner, you´re always on call. You have to be ready to tell someone about your product at a moment´s notice—and with passion. People tend to respond to this approach just because of the sheer enthusiasm. “Prepare the proverbial elevator speech. This speech is best if you don't have a lot of time and want to get the client's attention. What would you say about the product you are selling if you only had a few moments with a client? If you have that prepared and memorized, it will reduce your anxiety the next time you approach a client,” says Dr.  Garcia-Arcement.

Martial arts mindset

Martial arts philosophies can easily be applied to business and business situations. “As far as jujitsu, the best conversation and connection application is a concept called kuzushi. Kuzushi literally means unbalancing, and it's applied as a redirecting of energy from one direction gently but specifically to another,” explains Schultz, author of the bestseller Rainmaking Conversations. “If you know where you want to go in a conversation, you can gently move it down to that path from wherever it's going. But do it subtly. For example, if you want to talk about an exciting project you're working on, don't just start talking..Just ask the other person, 'What's the most exciting thing you're working on.' They'll share, and then they'll ask you. At the same time, they're thinking 'what a great conversationalist,' and you got them to do what you wanted without forcing it.”

Link to article

New Year, New Tips To Handle Work Stress

By Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Ph.D. Stress is on the rise in the United States. In a recent APA survey, Americans reported a 44% increase in their stress over the past five years. What are people worried about?  Money, relationships, work and the economy are at the top of the list.  Work is a popular concern. Not only are individuals worried about losing their jobs in this down economy but also about increased job responsibilities and difficult interpersonal relationships.  All this worry impacts your sleep, physical and mental health, and productivity. It also erodes your ability to be patient when dealing with others—all things that can make working more difficult and put your job at risk.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. The good news is you can change this. There are simple steps you can take that will help you manage your stress and improve your quality of life. Below are proven stress reduction suggestions you can use at work and at home.

While at work build into your day these three tips.

1. Walk away from what is stressing you and take regular breaks. Time-outs are not just for toddlers. They are an effective coping strategy that will allow you to clear your mind and refocus, as well as be more productive and creative.

2. Take deep breaths. Shallow breathing increases anxiety, while deep, slow breathing helps calm your mind and body.

3. Stretch your tense muscles. For example, progressive muscle relaxation sends your brain a message that you are safe and relaxed which helps reduce stress and anxiety.

While at home, try these habits regularly to decrease your stress.

1. Practice yoga. Even a few minutes will help calm your mind and relax your body.

2. Use imagery. Imagine yourself in a safe place, such as the beach or a cabin in the mountains. If imagining a peaceful place is difficult, you can use memories from a favorite vacation spot or familiar personal sanctuary (even if it’s just your favorite bench in Central Park).  Your memories will trigger positive feelings and distract you from your stress at the same time.

3. Speak to a trusted friend or family member. Share what is upsetting you, whether in person or over the phone. Social support is a great stress reducer and mood enhancer.

Preventing stress before you feel it is even better. Follow these suggestions to stop the stress before it hits.

1. Have open communication with your supervisors/bosses about what projects you are working on and their status.

2. Ask for help when you need it. We all require assistance at some point. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

3. Create a detailed list of work requirements and deadlines. This way you don't waste mental energy keeping track of what needs to get done and instead focus on how to accomplish those tasks.

If these tips are not enough, consider talking to a mental health provider that specializes in stress management.

Visit http://www.apapracticecentral.org for more information about stress.

Organizing Your Life

I was recently on the Colin Lively Show, discussing how to declutter your mind.  The entire show was filled with helpful tips on how to better organize your home, office and mind. The description for the show is below:

Oh lord, if this show wasn’t sent from on-high, than it was Hildamae’s dying wish coming true: get Colin to clean his room! So, there it is, the cat is out of my Birkin bag: I can be rather messy. But aren’t we all? Whether it be in mind, life, schedule, desk, purse, closet, or your inbox, somewhere you are a little messy; and a little messy can lead to a great deal of stress. It is, as Dawn Falcone put it, “stuck energy.” For me, Consuelo un-sticks my stuck energy four times a week, but that doesn’t cover all my bases: I still need to go to Dr. Feldheim, my therapist, and Dr. Koplowitz, my psychiatrist, to get my mind in order.

I was stunned to learn that our outer world is very much a reflection of our inner world. For instance, a messy desk can be a sign of a stressful work environment or chronic work overload. It is important to create systems that keep our lives orderly and neat. We do not need to be neat freaks, but organization is one of the keys to happiness. Growing up, we polished the silver under the iron fist of Hildamae, she said the harder we scrubbed the more we would feel her love. Boy was she right! Three hours of polishing spoons made my wrist feel so loved that they were practically stuck in an arthritic state until my mid-40s. “Sheets tight enough on which to bounce a quarter,” she would demand. By the time I went to college, I had had enough Old Dutch Cleanser, Clorox and Bon-Ami running through my blood that I vowed never to clean again. And I have not touched a mop since!

This week I will be speaking with three personal organizers and a psychologist, and we are going see how we can change our state of mind with a Swiffer, or two, or forty-seven.

This week I will be speaking with three personal organizers and a psychologist, and we are going see how we can change our state of mind with a Swiffer, or two, or forty-seven.

Dawn Falcone is not only passionate about organization, she knows it has a HUGE impact on personal sanity, success, and overall stress level. She emphasizes the point that reducing clutter and chaos will ultimately bring reward in the form of clarity, serenity, and time. She works closely with her clients to design spaces that reflect their personality and spirit. Dawn is a proud member of the (National Association of Professional Organizers) and is a certified interior environmental coach. Her work has appeared in many publications including: Real Simple, Woman’s World, Home And Garden Television, and Apartment Therapy.

Bonnie Joy Dewkett is the founder of The Joyful Organizer and is an organizing expert, author, motivational speaker, and radio personality – oh and she is an expert in time management! Boy oh boy does she know how to block-out a day!

Andrea Brundage of Simple Organized Solutions (S.O.S.) offers personalized hands-on organizational solutions to help small-to-medium sized business owners and homeowners function in efficient and organized environments. In partnership with its clients, S.O.S. creates “sensible solutions for your organizational needs.”

Dr. Nerina Garcia-Arcement is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Clinical Assistant Professor, in the Dept. of Psychiatry, at NYU School of Medicine. She specializes in challenges associated with life transitions, stress, anxiety, and depression.She provides a holistic therapeutic session by using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and insight oriented/psychodynamic techniques to identify current problems, develop individualized strategies to ease stress, and gain insight into understanding one’s patterns in behavior. Dr. Garcia strongly advocates the act of self exploration, which helps us understand the way we think and act, it will also help shed light on our behaviors that worked in the past but are not effective any longer.

Link to podcast/show

Organizing Your Life

Experts Share Tips on Getting the Life You Want Right Now

I was quoted on how to problem solve and set goals. By Rheyanne Weaver |

Remember those 10 pounds you were supposed to lose last year? Or what about that fantasy novel you were supposed to start writing during that recent vacation?

Many people have goals and a basic outline of what their ideal life would be, but they don’t necessarily do what it takes to get the life they want. Luckily there are experts who can help you find that inner power to start living your true life right now.

Stever Robbins, the host of the “Get-it-Done Guy” business podcast, an executive coach and adjunct lecturer at Babson College, has four tips for people who know what they want to do in life, they just haven’t managed to get there yet.

1) “Stay connected to them on a regular basis. Draw out a life map that connects your daily projects to your highest goals and review it daily, so you can see how the little items are connected to your big motivators.”

2) “Plan for change. Any big change of goals will change who you hang out with, what you talk about, and how you go about your daily life. Think that through ahead of time, anticipate the changes, and set up structures to make them happen.”

3) “Get a friend. It's easier when you have someone else and can hold each other mutually accountable.”

4) “Start with action and controlled experiments. Don't quit your day job to write your novel. Find ways to write small pieces at no risk, and then increase your writing only if it's really giving you the joy/happiness/progress you want.”

Mark Wiggins, a motivational speaker, trainer, co-creator of the Journey to Success program, and author of the book “Permission to Succeed: The Only Person Who Needs To Give It Is You,” gave six straightforward steps of his suggested process toward achieving goals:

1. “Determine your destination.”

2. “Identify your purpose.”

3. “Set your goals.”

4. “Develop your strategy.”

5. “Take action.”

6. “Evaluate your progress.”

Michelle King, a personal and motivational life and relationship coach, has five motivational tips for people who need a jumpstart toward their goals:

1) “Get clear on exactly what it is you want to achieve and accomplish in life. Brainstorm the idea and strain out the maybe's and the no's pertaining to the goal. When you have reached a complete and utter ‘Yes, this is exactly what I want,’ then the ability to move forward becomes so much more smoother.”

2) “Set a time frame as to when this goal needs to be accomplished. A time frame creates an urgency and establishes the motivation that is needed to accomplish your affirmation.”

3) “Realistically, list exactly what it is that is slowing you down and standing in your way of achieving what you set out to do. Once you acknowledge the obstacles, consider how these obstacles are impacting your ability to move forward. One by one, work through the obstacles that are holding you back. You will discover that many of these obstacles are much more minimal than you thought, and can be overcome just by addressing that specific issue or eliminating it from your life. For example, if you are on a mission to lose 30 pounds but have a pantry filled with junk food, how else are you going to resist the temptation of eating the food if you don't get rid of it? Be bold and be brave about eliminating these obstacles -- it's only for your benefit.”

4) “Make sure you tell someone what you are trying to achieve so that you can receive the support you will need at obtaining your ultimate goal. Seek out a friend or professional that will ensure you are holding yourself accountable for what you desire to accomplish.”

5) “Once you've accomplished one major goal through this process, the ability to achieve the next goal or goals will be obtained with ease and confidence. Take it one step at a time.”

Nerina Garcia-Arcement, a licensed clinical psychologist and clinical assistant professor at NYU School of Medicine, said in an email that it’s important to not just have major goals, but to have small goals along the way that are realistic. This helps build confidence and self-esteem enough to achieve even larger goals in the future.

She also suggested listing benefits of a certain goal, as well as the obstacles, and putting that list in a place that stands out the most at home or work. This list will be a reminder for achieving that major goal, and also help work on removing the obstacles.

Lauren Whitt, a motivational counselor and corporate wellness practitioner, has three additional unique tips to help you on your path to success:

1) "Track your goals daily by using a ‘mirror tracker.’ Using a dry erase marker, list out your goals on a mirror you look at daily. Make a note or tally of progress each day. This will help as both a reminder and a motivator as you see what you've accomplished."

2) "As you achieve both smaller and larger goals, reward yourself. For example, if your ultimate goal is to get fit and one of your initial goals is to go to the gym X amount of times per week and you meet that goal, reward yourself with a new workout accessory, like a shirt."

3) "Creating an inspiration wall is another way to remind yourself of the goals and dreams you are working towards. You can do this on the inside of a closet door, bulletin board or social media page. If your goal is to lose weight, hang pictures of your dream vacation spot or beach view. Then go there when you've achieved that goal."

Christine Cashen, a certified speaking professional, has three tips for accomplishing goals and getting the life you yearn for:

1) "Do three things every day to move you towards your goal. This way you don't get overwhelmed and keep moving forward.”

2) “Become an investigative reporter. Find people who have your dream job and speak with them about their path and what suggestions they may have. You may find a great mentor.”

3) “Take a risk. When you think you can't do something, use this risk chant (you must say it in chant voice): ‘Oh what the heck ... go for it anywayyyyy!’”

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